Grab A Cuppa.

Well hello there and thanks a lot for stopping by. Grab a cuppa and have a wee read on what has been happening in my life, spoiler alert, I lost my job and this post is mainly about that!

It’s been a good few months since I have blogged, actually more like a year(!) and this is all because I fell out of love for/with blogging, I stopped reading them and stopped typing them up. Now that I’m not working I can focus on typing up more posts of which I was planning to do last year…

So yeah, I’m unemployed. I stopped working for the woman in the black cloak in August 2016 and started working for a stockbrokers, I was so happy about my new journey (more money, not a call centre etc…) and I was determined to make this my new career and I had big plans of upskilling and even looking to move around the company, sadly come the beginning of March this year these ‘grand plans’ were shattered.

We had a company meeting at 11am on March 2nd to be informed that our jobs were at risk of redundancy, which basically meant that we were out of a job. I’ve never been made redundant before I was in complete shock, in fact the whole floor was in a state of shock, anger and upset, we all walked out once we had received the news and headed to the bar to drown our sorrows and process the information, after a couple of hours we headed back to the office we had our 1-2-1 meeting with our managers who provided us with a bit more information on the situation. A week or so after the announcement we were informed that only a handful of people were keeping their jobs and the rest of us would be out by April 28th, within that time I have applied for jobs and had a couple of interviews, both of which I didn’t get (obvs). I’m now about to begin my 3rd month of unemployment and it’s driving me insane, there are only so many Jeremy Kyle shows you can watch and so many times you can clean the house within a week… I’m currently signing on which means ‘some’ money is coming, but not enough to pay the mortgage. It’s horrible being in this position and I wish this on no one, making cutbacks and putting any plans for a holiday on hold, in fact we are putting our wedding plans on hold and it may be another year or so before we can even think about booking it. But I am hopeful something will come along soon and this ‘bump in the road’ can end, I could just take a job in a shop or do Festival work but neither of these are jobs are where I intend to take my career and I would very much like to get back into the financial sector (but let’s be honest I’ll have to take any job if I don’t secure something in the next couple of weeks).

I haven’t been utilising my ‘time off’ as much I should have been, I have obviously been applying for jobs and I’ve gone on a few walks, but I mainly spend my time in the house cleaning, doing wash loads, exercising and watching box sets. I could of/should be volunteering to at least get me out of the out house and feel like I have purpose, I am not cut out for the life of a housewife, I get bored. It really does knock for six when you are in a job (which you enjoy) and it be taken away from you, you go through a grieving process and it took me weeks if not a month or so to get my head around it. I am also shocked by the only 2 benefits which I can receive which are JSA and a reduction on council tax, I don’t find that to be very fair considering I have been paying my NI and taxes for years, yet because I own my home and live with a partner who works ‘they’ assume that we can afford all our outgoings. However if I was single and living on my own I would be given every kind of benefit and I can assure you that Β£147 a fortnight does nothing but help pay for my personal bills, of which I have many…

Anyway, enough of me ranting, I’ve a house to clean… But if anyone knows of a job vacancy in the Edinburgh area, which is not a job in a call centre, please let me know!

 

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Round Up.

It’s been a while since I’ve bothered to write a post, don’t get me wrong I’ve thought about it (a lot) and had ideas for posts but I’ve been ‘busy’ watching telly and being generally a lazy bitch.

As I type this I’m in the bath with a face mask on looking all kinds of alien like, listening to The XX and to get me back into the swing of things I thought I would do a wee ‘Round Up’ post.

So what’s been happening I hear you ask… I went on holiday with my friends to Croatia, changed jobs and companies at the end of August, got engaged in September and I also turned 30. THAT IS IT. To be honest 2016 was a good year for me, the new job and getting engaged were the two biggest things that happened. Leaving a call centre and taking on a more administrative roll has been an absolute fucking delight! Anyone who has worked in a call centre will know how utterly sole destroying it is, the people are great and I miss all my old work pals, but I cannot be happier to have left!

Onto the ENGAGEMENT, I will be, at some point in the near future ‘Mrs Wilson’ (or ‘Marshall-Wilson’ as I would like to be known). Me and J are in our now 10th year (!), that’s a bloody long time to be with someone so it was inevitable that it was going to happen (and I had an idea that it would be before my 30th). The proposal was nothing fancy or cheesy it was done after dinner in our house (*to be honest he could have asked me in the car driving to the shops and I would have said yes). Thankfully I am OBSESSED with my ring and it fitted so there was no need to resize it, although for the first couple of weeks my ring finger would swell up (I think it was trying to reject it!).

We’ve had the obligatory engagement party which coincided with a Halloween party held by and for my family and now we in the very early stages of planning so hopefully in the next couple of years we will have tied the knot.

I’m hoping that 2017 will be another good year for us and we make changes to the house and organise our wedding, but no doubt there will be some bumps in the road (which will be tackled head on), but I hope whoever and where ever you are that you enjoy what the new year brings you. For now I’m going to top up my bath with hot water as it has gotten cold and contemplate getting out in the next half hour before I turn into a prune.

Hopefully (and I say this every time!) I will be and bit more consistent with this blogging malarkey! But for now, bye Felicia! πŸ‘‹

Drink Tea & De-Stress.

Over the past few months I have been feeling overwhelmed at work and in my personal life that has resulted in me being signed off work with stress. During my time off I’ve been trying to clear my head and get back into my routine of meditation and exercise.

I’ll be honest and say that it hasn’t gone to plan, I’m still lacking motivation and continue to overthink EVERY LITTLE THING. I’m annoyed at myself that I have carried this stress for so long that it has resulted in me being signed off work, thankfully I have a fantastic group of family and friends around me who I can talk to and off load all my stress and worries. Although, sometimes it feels like I feel that if I talk to people I will just burden them with my issues and that’s the last thing I want to do to anyone…

As mentioned, I’ve found that meditation and exercise helps me and I’ve been using a few apps on my phone; Meditation – Calm & Headspace, Exercise – Freeletics & Track Yoga, I’ve also joined the gym again and have rediscovered the water baby in me. But recently, since I’ve been off all I have done is clean the house and I’ve done very little in the way of meditation or exercise. This is due to me feeling down, having no motivation and because of this doing absolutely nothing, to be honest I’m most likely suffering with a bit of depression. I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety when I was 16, but managed to get myself back on track and it never seemed to crop up (or I managed it so well that I never let it faze me, until now).

I think this has come around as I have just kept pushing things to the back of my mind and tried to get on with life as I didn’t want to appear weak to see as struggling to cope with things. With one thing and another slowly bubbling at the surface and then hearing that my uncle was put in a medically induced coma just seemed to tip me over the edge. That’s when I realised that I do need to take time out and try and sort myself out and that I couldn’t continue to go into work and pretend to be constantly happy. The docs signed me off for two weeks and this is my final week, with me returning to work on Friday. I am dreading it, I have been, as always, overthinking things and worry about what will happen when I go back to work (which I have been assured that there is nothing to worry about and that my managers and team are there to help and support me, however ‘If I feel that the job is not for me… blah blah blah’). It’s not only work however, there are some things that I need to address at home and I want to try and get things sorted as quickly as possible so that I can move forward (however, at present nothing has been done…).

When you tell people that you’re depressed, stressed or anxious, people who have never really come across this will always says things like, ‘There are worse things happening in the world’, ‘Chin up’, You’re OK’, ‘There’s nothing wrong with you’ or the best one is ‘I feel the same, but I just get on with it’… So was I for a time, but it all got too much for me. The comments above are typical things I’ve heard from folks who assume that an illness is something you see and that really annoys me. Just because you can’t see something, doesn’t mean that it’s not there.

Also, for anyone who has ever felt like l am right now, don’t feel embarrassed to talk to someone, don’t feel that you shouldn’t take some time out to sort yourself out. I’ve seen what stress and depression can do to people if they don’t work on it and it’s not good. Take some advice from someone who is good at giving advice, but terrible at taking it – Speak to your GP, figure out what is cause and work on it, by either getting rid of or fixing the root cause.

I think typing this has been a little cathartic and once I’ve had some lunch I will try and bring myself to do some meditation and either exercise in the house or head to the gym with J later on this afternoon…

I’ll get there, I was just hoping that I would be back to ‘normal’ by now!

How Things Have Changed.

A little personal post. To be honest, this is for no one but myself, just a little reminder to let me know that even though some days are tough, I am by far better off where I am than where I was and things can only get better!

This time last year I resigned from old job and was in limbo, I still had a months contract but wasn’t going into work, so everyday was spent cleaning the house and preparing dinner (a housewife’s dream!). To be honest, leaving was the best decision that I had ever made. For nearly a year I had been forcing myself to stay there, hoping it would get better… Then I ended up in hospital due to stress and was off work for about a week. I wasn’t enjoying myself and you could cut the tension with a knife in the office!

I spent the entire month applying for jobs (mainly office based) and would hear nothing, so I started applying to retailers and ended up at a certain store. I wasn’t that bothered about where I worked as all I was thinking about was being able to pay for the mortgage and bills. I’ve been there a year in October and even though I’m not keen on the 10 hour shifts, late nights, working weekends and the dip in pay, I am a lot happier there. The people are nice, as are 98% of the customers(!), there is no stress, no hassle, no pressure and no backstabbing.
I am still looking and applying for other jobs in the hope that I can get back into the admin/customer service career and also the possibility of going back to college next year. I am thankful that I am lucky enough to have a job, especially in this day and age.
The support that I have received from my family and friends has been fantastic and couldn’t ask to have better people in my life.

Round Up.

It’s been a while! A good few months since I have typed a post. I was hoping to keep this more regular, but I’ve been working long shifts and when I’m off, I’m either cleaning the house or spending time with Jaimie/family/friends.
However, as I lay here in this lovley warm bubble bath, I thought I might post a little bit about what I have been up to in the last few months, so here we go…!

January
We have a new addition to the family, his name is Moss (named after racing driver, Sterling Moss). When we collected him, we would have been no older than 6-7 weeks, he was absolutely tiny! He has since grown and is extremely adventurous! Senna and Moss did not take to each other right away, but after 2 months of separation they are now best of friends and follow each other round the house and chase each other up tress and around the garden! I have turned into a crazy cat lady and I’m not ashamed,  as anyone with a pet will know, they are your adopted fluffy (or scaly) babies.

February
Now… I’m trying to think what happened in Feb… I think this was just a month of working a lot, lovley 10 hour shifts and waking up at 5am… Can’t beat it!
(I just checked my Twitter account) I didn’t really do much. Helped my friend gut her flat and had a lovely valentine’s evening with Jaimie.
February – DONE.

March
In March I did a lot more!
Jaimie had bought us tickets to see Swan Lake at The Playhouse, it was good, not great, but good. I LOVE ballet, ballet and tap were my first dance classes as a child and I continued for quite a while until I thought I was too cool, I completely regret that now! I was even considering taking it up again… I just really want my point shoes!

I was once again at the theatre, this time The Festival Theatre to see Singing In The Rain with my mum and two great aunties. ABSOLUTELY FANTASTIC! We were singing along and I wanted to get up on stage and splash about in the rain(!). If it comes back to Edinburgh, it is a definite ‘must see’. I’m now on a mission to get tickets for Top Hat!

This was the month that I caught a stinking cold and it was THE WORST. I have to tak 3 days off work, just to try an shake it! Thankfully now I have recovered.

Lisa, finally(!) moved into her flat which is just a mintues walk from my house. Some of the gang got together and helped move all her belongings and in the evening I had an impromptu gathering at my house, which many an alcoholic beverage was consumed!

Kirsty (Jaimies little sister) finally arrived back from her 14 months of travelling and we held a surprise dinner for their Mum and Dad at ours. It went down a treat and she finally got to meet her Nephew, his mum, the kittens and see the house, all in one eveing!

Me and Jay went aboard the Royal Yacht Britania for the second time in our 6 and a half years together, we had great fun and managed to pick up some delicious fudge.

I got to spend an afternoon with my Maw & Paw who took me out for lunch, we descended on the Foresters Guild in Portobello. Now, this just to be an old mans pub that I never frequented, however, it’s now under new management and the place is buzzing! The food was amazing and it was lovley to spend time with my parents.

April
I won a champagne and hotdog dinner at The Flying Dog, a new hotdog eatery in Leith a while back and we finally went last night and it was fantastic. We nipped into the Whisky Society beforehand for a drink.

That’s it for now, not sure if I have forgotten anything… And as you can see, this ‘little’ post ain’t so little!

Cheery bye chaps!

Christmas/New Year.

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Christmas was a strange one for me this year, waking up in OUR house instead of my Mum and Dad’s and not doing the usual, which is – Waking up M&D’s at stupid o’clock, popping the kettle on and blasting the Marshall Christmas album circa 1993, before we exchange gifts and then I shuffle off to my room. This year, I woke up Jaimie & Senna and we stayed in bed to open our stockings, then headed downstairs, blasted some Now Christmas album that didn’t have all my favourite songs on it (sad face) and then we opened the presents before Jaimie made an amazing breakfast. After that we headed to Jaimie’s brother’s to see him, his girlfriend, baby Robbie, the new addition to the family and our beautiful little nephew and Skype their sister who is traveling.

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Dinner was spent at M&D’s with my great aunties, aunt’s and uncle’s and Jaimies parents. The dinner was (as always) amazing and everyone had a fantastic time, luckily there was enough leftovers to keep me and Jaimie for a couple of day’s!

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New Year’s Eve was a quiet one, spent with my two favourite boy’s. We were in our jammies by 7:30pm, had a Bonoful for dinner (the BEST Indian in Edinburgh) and then settled down to watch Dirty Rotten Scoundrels before bringing in the bell’s with a bottle of champers. We were such party animals and didn’t get to bed until 3am…

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On the evening of New Year’s Day we invited my M&D to come round for a 3 bird roast, some drinks and a boardgame.

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Round Up.

So…, that’s us tied together for at least 35 years.
As of June 28th me and J became home owners, I can’t quite believe it! It’s bloody fantastic! Fully fledged adults with a mortgage and bills. I do love living with Jaimie, even though he is a messy boy whom I have to pick up his dirty washing and put things in the bin that he had forgotten to do…(!).Β We still have a lot to move into the house, my drums are at my maw & paws, DVDs, books, cd’s and clothes and Jaimie still has things to collect from his parents, but the house now looks like a home.Thank goodness that we have a 4 bedroom house, otherwise I don’t know where half of my stuff would go!

I quit my job over a month ago for various reasons and now I start my new job next Monday. The new job is not what I thought I would have been doing (working in a shop) but it pays the bills, there are great benefits and I can work my way up the career ladder (which is something I couldn’t do in my previous job). I feel positive about this HUGE change my life, which can only be a good thing…(?!).

I turned 27, another year older. I hosted a Redneck party with ‘Murican food and music, it was great fun and everyone seemed to enjoy themselves. There was A LOT of food and drink left over, I woke up and had a piece of birthday cake for breakfast (YUM).

Today mark’s 6 years together for me and J! WeΒ had a Bonoful for dinner last night (our favourite Indian restaurant) as I have the dentist tonight and won’t be able to eat anything. We don’y buy gifts as there is no need to, I would rather us spend money on the house!

I gave in and dyed my hair brown, it’s a tad darker than I wanted. It would have been lighter had the second box contained the dye(!), I had to get Jaimie to drive to Superdrug to change it whilst I waited with a half dyed head of hair. I looked like a skunk!

And there you have it, that is my round up from June to September.

To Do List.

I turned 27 last Sunday and I decided it was time to make a few changes. Since we moved into the house I have become complacent, I stopped going to the gym, I started eating a lot of sweets, my only exercise has been from cleaning the house and walking up and down the stairs! I also haven’t been working for about a month and have been sitting in the house eating biscuits and watching the TLC channel (when I’m not cleaning). I am quite the lazy bitch.

I was going to write a ‘To Do List’ and I thought it might be better to type one up and pop it on the internet, that way I can’t loose it(!). So, here we go –

1. New job

2. Eat better

3. Long walks 4 times a week

4. Gym sessions 3 times a week

5. Make more time for friends & family

6. Learn to drive

There are only 6 things on my list with the main one being me getting a new job (top priority!) and the others are regarding my general health and well-being, the good thing is is that these are all achievable.