Grab A Cuppa.

Well hello there and thanks a lot for stopping by. Grab a cuppa and have a wee read on what has been happening in my life, spoiler alert, I lost my job and this post is mainly about that!

It’s been a good few months since I have blogged, actually more like a year(!) and this is all because I fell out of love for/with blogging, I stopped reading them and stopped typing them up. Now that I’m not working I can focus on typing up more posts of which I was planning to do last year…

So yeah, I’m unemployed. I stopped working for the woman in the black cloak in August 2016 and started working for a stockbrokers, I was so happy about my new journey (more money, not a call centre etc…) and I was determined to make this my new career and I had big plans of upskilling and even looking to move around the company, sadly come the beginning of March this year these ‘grand plans’ were shattered.

We had a company meeting at 11am on March 2nd to be informed that our jobs were at risk of redundancy, which basically meant that we were out of a job. I’ve never been made redundant before I was in complete shock, in fact the whole floor was in a state of shock, anger and upset, we all walked out once we had received the news and headed to the bar to drown our sorrows and process the information, after a couple of hours we headed back to the office we had our 1-2-1 meeting with our managers who provided us with a bit more information on the situation. A week or so after the announcement we were informed that only a handful of people were keeping their jobs and the rest of us would be out by April 28th, within that time I have applied for jobs and had a couple of interviews, both of which I didn’t get (obvs). I’m now about to begin my 3rd month of unemployment and it’s driving me insane, there are only so many Jeremy Kyle shows you can watch and so many times you can clean the house within a week… I’m currently signing on which means ‘some’ money is coming, but not enough to pay the mortgage. It’s horrible being in this position and I wish this on no one, making cutbacks and putting any plans for a holiday on hold, in fact we are putting our wedding plans on hold and it may be another year or so before we can even think about booking it. But I am hopeful something will come along soon and this ‘bump in the road’ can end, I could just take a job in a shop or do Festival work but neither of these are jobs are where I intend to take my career and I would very much like to get back into the financial sector (but let’s be honest I’ll have to take any job if I don’t secure something in the next couple of weeks).

I haven’t been utilising my ‘time off’ as much I should have been, I have obviously been applying for jobs and I’ve gone on a few walks, but I mainly spend my time in the house cleaning, doing wash loads, exercising and watching box sets. I could of/should be volunteering to at least get me out of the out house and feel like I have purpose, I am not cut out for the life of a housewife, I get bored. It really does knock for six when you are in a job (which you enjoy) and it be taken away from you, you go through a grieving process and it took me weeks if not a month or so to get my head around it. I am also shocked by the only 2 benefits which I can receive which are JSA and a reduction on council tax, I don’t find that to be very fair considering I have been paying my NI and taxes for years, yet because I own my home and live with a partner who works ‘they’ assume that we can afford all our outgoings. However if I was single and living on my own I would be given every kind of benefit and I can assure you that £147 a fortnight does nothing but help pay for my personal bills, of which I have many…

Anyway, enough of me ranting, I’ve a house to clean… But if anyone knows of a job vacancy in the Edinburgh area, which is not a job in a call centre, please let me know!

 

Drink Tea & De-Stress.

Over the past few months I have been feeling overwhelmed at work and in my personal life that has resulted in me being signed off work with stress. During my time off I’ve been trying to clear my head and get back into my routine of meditation and exercise.

I’ll be honest and say that it hasn’t gone to plan, I’m still lacking motivation and continue to overthink EVERY LITTLE THING. I’m annoyed at myself that I have carried this stress for so long that it has resulted in me being signed off work, thankfully I have a fantastic group of family and friends around me who I can talk to and off load all my stress and worries. Although, sometimes it feels like I feel that if I talk to people I will just burden them with my issues and that’s the last thing I want to do to anyone…

As mentioned, I’ve found that meditation and exercise helps me and I’ve been using a few apps on my phone; Meditation – Calm & Headspace, Exercise – Freeletics & Track Yoga, I’ve also joined the gym again and have rediscovered the water baby in me. But recently, since I’ve been off all I have done is clean the house and I’ve done very little in the way of meditation or exercise. This is due to me feeling down, having no motivation and because of this doing absolutely nothing, to be honest I’m most likely suffering with a bit of depression. I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety when I was 16, but managed to get myself back on track and it never seemed to crop up (or I managed it so well that I never let it faze me, until now).

I think this has come around as I have just kept pushing things to the back of my mind and tried to get on with life as I didn’t want to appear weak to see as struggling to cope with things. With one thing and another slowly bubbling at the surface and then hearing that my uncle was put in a medically induced coma just seemed to tip me over the edge. That’s when I realised that I do need to take time out and try and sort myself out and that I couldn’t continue to go into work and pretend to be constantly happy. The docs signed me off for two weeks and this is my final week, with me returning to work on Friday. I am dreading it, I have been, as always, overthinking things and worry about what will happen when I go back to work (which I have been assured that there is nothing to worry about and that my managers and team are there to help and support me, however ‘If I feel that the job is not for me… blah blah blah’). It’s not only work however, there are some things that I need to address at home and I want to try and get things sorted as quickly as possible so that I can move forward (however, at present nothing has been done…).

When you tell people that you’re depressed, stressed or anxious, people who have never really come across this will always says things like, ‘There are worse things happening in the world’, ‘Chin up’, You’re OK’, ‘There’s nothing wrong with you’ or the best one is ‘I feel the same, but I just get on with it’… So was I for a time, but it all got too much for me. The comments above are typical things I’ve heard from folks who assume that an illness is something you see and that really annoys me. Just because you can’t see something, doesn’t mean that it’s not there.

Also, for anyone who has ever felt like l am right now, don’t feel embarrassed to talk to someone, don’t feel that you shouldn’t take some time out to sort yourself out. I’ve seen what stress and depression can do to people if they don’t work on it and it’s not good. Take some advice from someone who is good at giving advice, but terrible at taking it – Speak to your GP, figure out what is cause and work on it, by either getting rid of or fixing the root cause.

I think typing this has been a little cathartic and once I’ve had some lunch I will try and bring myself to do some meditation and either exercise in the house or head to the gym with J later on this afternoon…

I’ll get there, I was just hoping that I would be back to ‘normal’ by now!